I have gone back and fourth on the idea of sharing my heart on a blog. I don’t know if being vulnerable with the topic will help or hurt me, but today as I was reading scripture walking through my home (something I recently started to do in faith that it would keep the enemies lies out of my home and heart) God told me to delete all my tracking apps toss my ovulation strips and fully rely and trust that he will make me the mother that my heart desires to be. I sat down and asked him if that’s really what he wanted me to do. & he said “yes surrender, let go of control,stop trying so hard to make this happen. I desire for you to be a mother more than you do.” The reason I decided to write was so that I can come back and see how faithful he is and how good his promises are, but also because there are many women who have shared their journeys that have helped and inspired me. Maybe I can be that for someone too! I’m sick of crying every month when my period comes. I’m sick of my sex life being controlled by when I’m most fertile. I’m tired of not enjoying my husband because I’m so stuck in my head about will it happen this time. The lack of a child has challenged my roll as a wife. I have lost a lot of joy by trying to take control of my fertility. I have come to the realization that no matter what supplements I take or don’t take I will not become a mother until God wants me to be a mother. I am giving this challenge over to God and I am focusing on being a better servant to him and my husband. It is time for me to listen, obey and let Him lead me on this journey so that when the time comes for me to be a mother I will be the best mother that I can possibly be.